Barnacle Jim

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Barnacle Jim
Barnacle Jim
Name barnacle jim, jim
Job hole slave at the office
Likes bikes, damaging his hole, frolf, his long ass face
Dislikes not having his hole abused
Dick his dick is very small and wet. it grows back smaller and wetter whenever it gets cut off which happens a lot at the frolf course. he has the highest known dick moisture levels
Butt severely damaged hole. the butt is very hairy


"im gay"
-jim


Jim in the 1940's


During world war 2 jim abuse was cut down because of a dildo shortage. they needed the rubber for the military
The citizens carved dildos out of alternative materials. There were big billboards encouraging house wives to chip in and help our boys overseas by fucking jim
When the men came back from war there was a big parade for them that ended at jims house so they could fuck him
A lot of weapons were tested on jims hole. they toyed with the idea of using his long face to transport cum to the gay soldiers
They sometimes sent Jim to the front lines to boost morale but they were worried the axis would capture Jim and allow his hole to be healed
There was a secret nazi misison to heal jims hole a little each night while he slept
Hitler sympathized with Jim since he also had a fucked up hole and dick moisture

Jim in the 1950's


Jim hangs out with a motorcycle gang called Hole's Angels
Jim wants to be a greaser so they grease up his hole before working him over. they impress some girls by showing them jims small dick
They go to a malt shop and the soda jerk starts jerking jim off and fucking him. A greaser and his girlfriend are drinking jims dick moisture with two straws
There was a big dance at school - The Enchantment Under the Hole Dance

Jim in the 1960's


Not much is known about Jim during this time period.
The Beatles wrote some songs with titles that are nods to Jim. Those songs are Fixing A Hole and Long, Long, Long
There was a big rumor that if you played Abbey Road backward you could hear Paul saying Jim is a Long Faced Dicklicker but that rumor is false.

Frolf


Frolf is jim's favorite sport because he's a dumbass
he hides in the bushes and waits until someone throws a frolf disc, then he runs out and jumps in front of it, trying to damage his dick
his dick gets cut off at the frolf course a lot. it grows back smaller and wetter every time
he litters the frolf course with his cut off dicks. the groundskeepers kick his ass for it
once got horny at a frolf course but there were no bikes to suck off so he sucked off a golf cart

A typical Twitter post by Jim.

Present Day


has a long face
loves bikes and installed metal dicks on all his bikes so he can suck them off
gets horny from abuse and humiliation
his truds are valuable because his damaged hole creates rare truds. people by them and eat them
keeps dried up turds in his glove compartment so he can suck them off when he's horny
seizures
one large ball
works at an office where the only work they do is abuse him
has a fucked up hole. does not respect his hole
has a shitty truck where he gets handjobs and bjs
all men like to fuck jim
slanty
gay
piece of shit
his posts are pieces of poop
everybody pisses and cums on his face
can only masturbate to snuff films of bikes being killed
his sack is out of balance due to his single ball
jims face is like the face in mario 2 that chases you when you grab a key except it's very long and goes directly for a bike to suck off
his favorite bike to suck off also has a soul patch
he has bike porn for the bikes and masturbates them off
he gets hard when he chains his bike up (bondage) but his dick is so small nobody notices
one day a week they make him wear a dress to work. he loves the humiliation
his nickname around the office is The Long Faced Toilet and they put garbage in his mouth even though you aren't supposed to put garbage in the toilet
his face is one of those urinals that extends all the way to the floor and somebody took a dump in it
license plate is FUNTURD
its legal to speed in your car if youre on the way to fuck jim, a cop is legally required to provide an escort in this case
in boulder there are jim lanes like carpool lanes. you can use them if youre going to damage jims hole. most people keep a dildo in the passenger seat at all times so they can legally use the jim lanes
many men who can't fuck jim in person print out his pic and jack off or piss on it
he only hooks up with chicks in parking lots. he is ashamed of his apartment which is a giant hollowed out bike
jim sticks his tongue out while cranking off
loves drug tests at work. they make him do it in the middle of the office and everyone laughs at his small dick and they make him drink the piss
his coworkers use his face as a toilet but sometimes will piss or crap on the floor then jim rolls around in it naked to clean it up
he sucks dried up turds to practice
wants to be a sponge for piss
rolls around in trash trying to cut his dick on broken glass
released his long face bike certificate
little pecker havin bike fucker
jim loves to get his ass kicked at work. he is annoying in the office so people hit him with baseball bats and piss on his stuff
jim goes into biker bars and tells the guys about his bicycle. he does it so they beat the shit out of him and piss on him. it makes him cum that sick bitch
he is such a dildo
likes the pain of getting soap in his tiny dickhole
is trying to figure out how to make bikes piss
the sperm that created jim also had a long face and was actually visible to the human eye
they did a photoshoot of jims dick at the office. they need something to laugh at when they are feeling down
cranks off into an empty snapple bottle and whiffs it
claims to have sucked off the guy who played the soup nazi and the guy the character was based on
at the office they have a contest to see who can make a poop that looks the most like jim. everybody wins and sniffing the poop makes jim horny
sits at home and injures his own dick with tools
has posters up in his house of bikes with dicks on them
once tried to tip a waitress with a very small bike
stuffs a crap into a condom and sucks it off
saran wrapped a toad and stuffed it into his broken horny hole
has sex with bikes by getting his dick cut up in the gears. the pain gets him off.
jim needs to jelq his dick but it's so pathetic and all burnt up
shows his dick to men at the park. they usually laugh or kick his ass or both
loves being taken to task for his small dick
if he has to pee while driving he whips his tiny dick out and pees all over the steering wheel and dash
has a plan in which he dresses up as corsair's wife and supposedly wants to be taught how to drive a stick shift
buys illegal supplements to make his already tiny dick even smaller
sucked a dick off craigslist. he hooked up in the for sale - bikes section
loves to have his dick chewed on by rodents or wild dogs
has a tramp stamp of 2 bikes and his long ass face
does a trick at bars where he pulls a small metal bike out of his hole. it's bloody and covered in turds
when he goes to the bar the bouncers work him over especially his tiny dick and he loves it
brings dildos to the bar
has a new garage door opener
the ceo uses jim's dick as a tee and hits golf balls off of it
dr dogballs: what about black or tarry stools? jim: no thanks i ate on the way over
the guys at the office are not gay but they love to fuck him and damage his hole
they show jim's photo on the jumbotron at sports games to get the fans angry at the opposing team
jim shows up at sports games to try and get his hole worked over with a wooden bat
they don't call it hump day at jims office. its hole day and all the boys destroy his hole with office supplies and wooden dildos
his email address used to be HomoTurdSuckInCar@hotmail.com but they shut it down
wanted the groundscrew to scold him like a dog when he sucked off the golf cart
there are pictures of jim's tiny wet dick all over the office to remind everybody jim is a piece of shit
damaged his hole with wood planks one morning. it left splinters
his blown out hole looks like a huge gross prune and it leaves pus stains on his underwear but he loves it
his hole cannot be repaired and that's how he likes it
puts tortilla chips in his hole to damage it further. the sharp edges and salt make Picante Night very painful but it always makes him cum
some guys at jim's office got laid off for going easy on jim's hole
jim's mom knows about the hole and tried to have an intervention but then she saw the hole and had to damage it further
jim is a total turd harvester at work
got fired from his job at the zoo for putting worms in his hole and letting baby birds peck at them
jim's boss at the zoo put a snake in jim's hole and pulled his pants down. then a bunch of kids laughed because their dicks are bigger than jims
likes it when bikers throw darts at his empty scrotum
new garage door opener
the guys at work like to press the button on his garage door opener while they abuse jim's hole
when the neighbors see jim's garage door going up and down that's how they know his hole is being ruined somewhere
jim closes the garage door on his small dick
got his dick tip frosted so the guys at the office could see it better and hit it with bats
his hole is a real boondoggle
uses a dog whistle to make local dogs chew up his small dick and hole
they are going to use some pics of jim's hole in a PSA about hole abuse. they will also show a video of him sucking a bike off just to embarrass him
jim celebrates cinco de mayo often. (slathers his hole in mayo and lets some latino thugs go to town on it)
jim's hole looks like an uncooked meatball that someone pressed their finger into
loves to look in the mirror at his hole to see how fucked up it is. it makes him horny for a garage door ball crushing session
puts garage door opener parts in his hole
dogs go wild when they smell jim's hole. they want to bite it and further damage it
wishes he could get fucked by every character from Beauty and the Beast, especially the beast and that candle guy
his small wet dick has so much moisture that it experiences the tides
he is good at doing precision cartwheels at the frolf course with his dick out to get it cut off
face is extremely long
jim loves getting truds on his long face most visitors to the office shit on him
jim's shits come out in weird shapes because his ruined hole can not form them into a log. they look like meteors. these are truds
collectors pay good money for genuine jim truds
there is a jim blimp, like the bang bus. the blimp comes to down and all the towns big dicked and strong men get on board to fuck jim and they broadcast it
the cops busted up occupy wall street because not enough people were pissing and cumming on jim pics
a dildo spectre is going to damage jims hole on holeoween
there is a popular haunted house in jims town it shows pictures of his hole and his moisture levels
there is a species of hole bug that is only known to exist in jims hole. they feed on his turds and drink the dick moisture
this sunday on ppv the top holemen from around the world are going to work jim over. bigtime cummers are going to be shooting loads on his face as well
jim saw an 18-wheeler with a banner that said OVERSIZED LOAD and it made him so horny that he flagged it down and sucked the truck off
the driver used some dildos to work his hole. he was on his way to jims office to deliver a pallet of big dildos
a group of scientists was working very hard to recreate jims dicks moisture levels. they couldnt get there, but they got close enough to do some math and have a reasonable approximation. they published their findings but when it came out that they didnt factor in the smallness of jims dick they lost their funding
bigtime pecker checker at the urinals


pages
pleasure men jim, pleasurekevin, analdawg, dildo aaron, the mayor
respectable men corsair, swimp, kotg, val venis, craig
pieces of crap / other corsair's rival, brendle, dr. dogballs, jim's boss
places or concepts moisture levels, office, sweet baby ray's, pleasure lagoon, crackblood
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